Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil. It was “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake.
Jennifer put up her hands, said, “Guys, let’s not make this a dick-measuring contest, okay?” There was silence for a moment, then John said, “That’s good, because it wouldn’t be no contest at all.” Silence again. “That is, I’m referring to my cock being bigger than either of yours.” I sighed and said, “John, I don’t think anyone in this vehicle is in the mood to—” “John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis.” There was a moment of stunned silence, then I heard Jen start laughing so hard I thought she would choke. “Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.”
She said, “Why do you, like, hate yourself?” “If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard?”
He paused to let his eyes flick to mine and Amy’s wet hair and presumably asked himself if our showers had overlapped in any way. He was too polite to ask.